ALWAYS LISTEN TO THE OTHER PARTY

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So the other day Cindy and Peggy were talking about a mutual friend, it was more like, one was reporting the mutual friend to the other. “Nessa has refused to call me, and when I called she neither picked nor returned my call”, Cindy was of the opinion that Nessa was avoiding her or something of that sort. Peggy replied her saying; “I called her the other day and she hung up on me, let’s just avoid her, I wonder why she is behaving like that”. They both agreed to give her space.

My question is, did they actually know why she wasn’t picking, or why she hung up the call?  It was obvious she wasn’t like that, but they were quick to conclude that she was ignoring them.

Replaying the whole thing in my head, it could be that Nessa had a faulty phone, that did not let her pick up Cindy’s call or even return them; or that network was crappy and it ended the call abruptly while speaking to Peggy. Another angle could be that, Cindy’s calls came through when she was indisposed to pick up the call or probably wasn’t with her phone and while she was talking to Peggy, her phone battery died.  I could go on and on, giving different analogies as to why Nessa wasn’t at fault.

Taking the side of Peggy and Cindy, you can assume that Nessa was actually ignoring them even without listening to Nessa’s part of the story. It is very possible that Nessa was trying to avoid them; but on the other hand what if that was not the case and she had a lot of issues that couldn’t let her reach out to them, they would have just assumed for nothing.

I also know that sometimes people would also want to paint their stories to suit themselves and it could be A’s word against B’s word and vice versa. In such a case it’s quite difficult to know who is telling the truth or not.

My point exactly is, one shouldn’t just jump into conclusions without getting to hear from the other party. Just the other day I was talking to someone on the phone and the call ended, before I could get through to the person, his call came through and all he could say was “why did you end the call?”; I was shocked to say the least. He could have simple asked what happened or in a more polite manner ask; “did you end the call?”  If A tells you something about B, try to get B’s story, if possible, try to meet with the both of them at the same time.

In listening to all the parties involved, it’s easier to solve the issue than listening to just one side of the story.  Sometimes, it could just be a matter of miscommunication, or lack of understanding. There are times you’d listen to two parts of a story to realize that they are both not at fault, but because they did not communicate well, they missed the mark.

I want to believe that there is usually a reason for everything, find out why someone is behaving in a particular way without having to assume anything, give the benefit of the doubt especially if it’s not a usual behavior.

 

When She Let Emotions in…Part 2

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Tobi was standing there with a box of chocolate as she opened the door. She wasn’t expecting him because he didn’t tell her, what if she wasn’t in the house, she thought to herself.  She let him in anyway. He came to her house to ask her out on a date, he wanted to have a relationship with her. She couldn’t believe her ears; two guys on the same day. “Why did Tobi not ask earlier, why now?” she said to herself. She asked him for some time as she wasn’t prepared to give a response.

Lola found it difficult to make up her mind because she did not want to hurt any of them especially when she had decided to lock up and let no emotions in whatsoever. She did not know how to tell both Wale and Tobi, no. She spoke to Bibi about the situation asking for advice, Bibi told her it was obvious she still had some feelings somewhere, else she would have damned the consequences and told them no outrightly. She told her to think about it again and make up her mind.

It so happened that Bibi was dating Nate who was also a friend to Tobi. At that time Bibi wasn’t aware that it was the same Tobi who she had talked to over the phone times without number; they never saw physically. She only found out when Tobi called Nate one certain time and they got gisting about girls, Tobi said his girlfriend had just travelled out for her masters and that he was trying to ask another girl out, and that the girl was acting tough; he made mention of the fact that there were two other girls he had at his beck and call. When Nate asked who the other girl was, Tobi said it was a girl named Lola; he said “Can’t you remember that very cute chic I told you I met at a movie premiere”. Bibi heard their conversation because Nate put the phone on speaker as he was ironing his clothes at the time; there and then she put two and two together as Lola told her the story of how they met.

Bibi knew that she had to  do something about it, she had to ensure that Lola would not agree to date Tobi, she believed he was going to hurt her, Lola was too fragile for such, she thought to herself. She wasn’t so sure how she was going to tell the whole story to Lola. Suddenly it struck her, she remembered that Nate had downloaded an application on his phone that lets one record calls. “Sweetheart” Bibi said, “can I please use your phone to send some songs to my phone?” he initially wanted to send the songs himself, but later changed his mind and gave her the phone. She was able to trace the call and send to her phone via Bluetooth. Since it was a weekend, she quickly called Lola to know if she was at home.

In about 30 minutes or less, Bibi was in Lola’s house, she played the recording to the amazement of Lola. Afterwards, Lola smiled and told Bibi thanks, she felt she had gotten the sign that she needed. While she was gisting with Bibi her phone rang and it was Tobi calling, she laughed and said “speak of the devil, Bibi it is Tobi calling”. She didn’t pick up immediately, she allowed the phone ring twice, the third time she picked up. After exchanging pleasantries, he asked how far how far with his request, he said “babe I like you a lot you know, and I know you like me too because we had something going on”. Lola had never been that irritated, she didn’t even know what to say. She simply told him to meet up next weekend to talk about everything.

A week later, Tobi was sitting and waiting for Lola to arrive at the restaurant where they had planned to meet. The moment Lola stepped into the restaurant, all eyes were on her, she was dashing, and she looked really amazing. Tobi almost didn’t recognize her, he wasn’t sure, if it was the same Lola or somebody else. Well, all thanks to Bibi who styled her and made her up. He stood up to welcome her and usher her to her seat. “You look really amazing I must confess” Tobi said to Lola, she thanked him as she smiled seductively at him. He couldn’t help but feel jealous as the number of people staring at her were increasing, to the extent that someone asked to take a picture with her. Tobi was so sure she was going to accept his proposal with the way she swept him off his feet.

Tobi and Lola got talking while waiting for their order, she wanted to really convince herself that not accepting his proposal was the best thing to do. Everything was fine until he said “babe, come on, accept my proposal, I am ready to accept you the way you are and  I can take care of you”. She couldn’t bring herself to understand what he was saying and what perspective he was coming from, it was the effrontery with which he said it that got to her, so much pride. She didn’t even know when she told him to let her be that she wasn’t interested. Tobi didn’t believe his ears, he was so angry and yelled at her saying, “Lola who do you think you are to reject me like this, do you know how many girls are dying to sit with me let alone be with me?” She smiled at him and said, “Guy, it is a free world, go and meet all those girls, my name is Lola and I am not them”, immediately she stood up to leave. Tobi was devastated as he watched her leave.

The next day was a Sunday and she had planned to sleep all day after church, when Wale called her to inform her that he was on his way to her house. Wale called her often but he never talked about the proposal because he was giving her time. Lola was confused because she was looking all scruffy and not ready to see anyone. She quickly dashed to the kitchen to boil some rice as there was a pot of stew already made from the previous day.

When Wale arrived, he came with a bottle of wine which Lola chilled in the fridge as she had no ice cubes. “You look beautiful dear” Wale said to her, she smiled and said “thank you”. After Wale was done eating, they got gisting and all, Lola was waiting for him to talk about the proposal, while he was waiting for her to talk about it, as they both didn’t want to make the other person uncomfortable. Finally she summoned the courage to talk about it; “Wale, I accept to be your girlfriend, even though I’m scared to let emotions in or out, I am ready to take the risk of loving you”. Wale was speechless, he stuttered and said to her, “Thanks babe, thanks for making me the happiest man today, I am ready to be the best for you”. They both hugged each other after which they sat to watch a movie.

Some months passed and their relationship kept booming, it wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t bad either. They had their issues and they resolved it. A year passed and they were waxing strong. On the Friday before Lola’s birthday, Wale called her up to meet him at an eatery on her way from work. She got there in time as he had not arrived, she ordered a drink while waiting for him to arrive. On arrival he refused to order anything, his face was not at all friendly and she wondered why. He didn’t even ask her about work and how she was fairing, she asked; “babe, what is the matter?” he just shouted at her and said he wanted a breakup.

Lola could not believe her ears, instantly tears came trickling down her eyes, with a cracky voice she asked what she had done wrong as she thought they were just fine. She said to him “Sucre you know I love you with all my heart, what has gone wrong, how do I even deal with this?” She stood up to leave and Wale let her go, he did not even flicker a bit. The moment she got to the door, a little girl stopped her and gave her a note, it read: ‘Sucre, will you be mine? Will you marry me?’ She froze and turned to look at Wale, he was on a bended knee with a ring in his hand and tears in his eyes, he asked her, “will you marry me?” She almost collapsed as she was overwhelmed with everything that had just happened, when she got a grip of herself she ran to him and hugged him with a resounding yes that people in the eatery started clapping and taking pictures of what seemed to be very romantic. He whispered in her ears, “I love you forever” and she replied “I love you forever and a day more”.

Lola and Wale got married some months later, Lola got pregnant almost immediately. They both decided to name their unborn baby Temi; it means ‘My own’. And as the saying goes, they lived happily ever after.

The End…

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When She Let Emotions In…

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For a while now, Lola thought to keep to herself, occupied with the stress of going to work and all. She barely had time for herself let alone others. To make matters worse, most of her friends were quite busy as well or so they claimed.

Wale was Lola’s high school crush; and he was the centre of attraction back in school. On a very good day, Wale called her and they got gisting.  He told her it had been a while that they spoke and that he really missed talking to her, he even accused her of not calling him. She laughed over it, apologizing that she had a lot on her plate so reaching out to people had become quite difficult. They thought to hang out as soon as possible to catch up on old times.

Bibi was a very troublesome person, she always called Lola every single day. They were best friends, more like sisters. No matter how stressful work was they always had time to chat and talk about boys.

Tobi always claimed to be busy, he met Lola at a movie premiere and they got talking, they exchanged contacts. He often called her to check up on her and they went on a couple of dates, gradually she became comfortable with him because she started to like him. She also called him often to check up on him.

Then it happened that one day when she called Tobi, he told her that he would return her call because he was busy at the time she called. She waited for three days to no avail, she finally decided to call him to be sure that everything was alright. Fortunately he was fine, but he was too busy and practically forgot to return her call as he earlier said. From then on, talking to each other became a ‘once in a while’ affair. It was more like a spirit or something of that sort had entered him and made him change his attitude towards her. To ensure that it wasn’t her fault, she tried to call and send texts and even chat via social media apps; he barely responded. It was no longer funny as she had become so used to talking and chatting with him and all of a sudden he just snapped out of it like the speed of light and left her hanging. She thought to herself; “why did he make me like him so much, and now he doesn’t even have my time”.

Tobi suddenly found it difficult communicating with Lola, he could not even find a suitable excuse to tell her as to why he had a change of behavior. She felt so bad especially because he was always very active on the social media front, always re-tweeting, changing dps, liking peoples statuses but never acknowledging Lola’s messages.

She decided to focus on her career and forget about Tobi. Lola posted a picture of herself and a very cute colleague of hers on Facebook , they really looked cute together. She had over 500 likes especially because she hardly posted pictures of herself and a guy; and yeah Tobi saw it and it got to him. Then suddenly her phone rang, it was Tobi calling; it was really surprising. He called to tell her that he missed her and wanted to see her as soon as possible. Of course she didn’t expect it, but she was happy that he called. They got to meet and he apologized for not keeping in touch promising to turn a new leaf, he also said she abandoned him. Shocked she asked how, as she remembered always trying to call him and text and he never acknowledged it, finally she let sleeping dogs lie as she was not in the mood to argue or pass blames to anybody; although she was still confused as to what could have caused his behavior.

Wale finally got a chance to hangout with Lola, he really liked her but he was to shy to tell her how he felt. He was afraid that she would not give him a good response especially because he thought she was dating someone. She didn’t think of Wale as anything other than a friend, as the guys would call it ‘the friend-zone’.  He talked to Bibi about his feelings, asking for her advice. She told him to talk to Lola as it would be better if she was in the know.

Wale finally summed up the courage to make known his feelings to Lola. They decided to meet on a Saturday at the City mall by 01:00pm.  He told her everything he had in mind; how he felt about her, how he thought he could suppress his feelings by staying away from her, and other mushy mushy  stuff.  She was speechless as she never expected it. He told her he would give her time to think about everything and let everything settle as he was in no rush although he was expecting her to take so long so that he doesn’t get anxious waiting for a response. They left the mall at 03:00pm, he dropped her off at home.

By 05:00pm, the door bell rang and it forced Lola to get out of bed, as she was trying to get a nap. The moment she opened the door, she just couldn’t believe her eyes…

To be continued

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Happy New YearIt is that time of the year when we all welcome each other to a New Year, and wish everyone well. A time when everyone is glad to have made it to the New Year. I am particularly grateful to God for keeping thus far, and I’m happy we made it to 2016.

A lot of people have stories to tell about the year 2015, just like we had for the previous years. People got married, got jobs, gave birth, made new friends and so on. One question I have for those who made New Year Resolutions in 2015 is; how many of these resolutions were you able to keep? I know there are a lot of things many of us hoped to achieve in the past year, for some it turned out well and for others not really.

It is another year, and like a book with 366 pages, there’s a different story to write on each page. Try to make it worth the while, write your story well.

For those set to achieve certain goals, try to make it work, give yourself a certain timeline to achieve these and desist from procrastination. I believe that if there is anything you intend to do, you can do it but it depends on you and how determined you are. You can’t sit around and expect things to just happen, no; you have to make things happen.

For those who don’t have set out goals or something of that sort, try to make a plan or something for the year. Try to make the year count; don’t just let it pass you by.

I hope everyone sticks to positivity this year, come what may; let go of all forms of negativity. Think good of yourself more often, don’t give into self-pity or dwell on a low self-esteem. Let whatever that has gone wrong in 2015 remain there, right where it belongs; in the past. Above all try to be happy as often as you can, not forgetting to spread the love.

I therefore seize this opportunity to thank everyone for being part of my 2015; many thanks for all the support and encouragement. 2015 was a great year with you all in it, let us do it again this 2016.

I sincerely hope the year turns out well for each one of us, wishing you all the very best the year has to offer and much more.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

HAPPY 2016!!!

You Don’t Have To Be a Superwoman

 

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In my last post, I talked about some things that guys could do to help their relationships. What works for one person might not work for the other, it only boils down to knowing what works for you. There are a lot of things one would say could make a relationship last long or blossom as time goes by. One should always know that what works for me might not work out for the another person and vice versa.

I know a lot of people would have been wondering why I didn’t put up anything for the ladies as they also have a role to play in the whole relationship matter. Well I had already planned to give a little something to the ladies too.

Dear ladies, married or not; there are basic things you should do for and to your man to make him happy and in the long run make yourself happy.

You need to let your man know he is the only hero you know, he is your man, let him be aware that you hold him in high esteem. Tell it to him, it wouldn’t hurt to make him feel good about his position in your life.

You have the right to get angry, it only makes you human, but don’t go shouting at him, try and be civilized when talking about what he did that upset you. Try to complain less, and sometimes just ignore, to avoid problems. Stop nagging, it is very tiring.

Never compare, no matter the situation, do not be tempted to compare him to somebody else. Appreciate his efforts and kind gestures, no matter how small. If he gets you an over-sized dress, thank him first before you complain that he didn’t get or doesn’t know your size; if at all you want to say it a manner that doesn’t sound like you don’t appreciate it.

Ensure that you have a loving attitude towards your man, trust me there are lots of ladies out there looking for an opportunity to snatch your man from you. You should flirt with your man especially if he is your husband, don’t be rigid at all. Don’t flirt with other men and don’t be deceived by money, like someone said, any woman not tempted by money is a saint. You should care for him as much as you can, listen to him, attend to him. Advise him when the need arises, be there for him always.

Above all, you must and have to respect your dignity.

It  really doesn’t take a superwoman to be a lady.

 

 

You Don’t Have To Be a Superman

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Yea, it’s just a little something to the guys, especially the married ones.
It’s not all about getting married, but staying married,  and not feeling like a stranger in your home or feeling lonely in your marriage. There are lot of things to do that would actually keep the fire burning,  it could defer for various people as the case may be; it just boils down to knowing what works for you and how well to use it.
On my own part let me share what I have in mind.
You need to be attentive to your woman, you need to understand that she is your woman and she deserves your attention.  As you know ladies love a lot attention,  they like to be the centre of their man’s world. The needs of your wife should always come first.
As a man you have to be caring, really caring, even if it’s not in your nature make an attempt, let her know that you care at least. Your woman would appreciate every form of care especially when she knows you are making an effort.
Learn to compliment her, make her feel special. Tell her she looks good,  tell her sweet and soft words,  let her feel like she is the only one that matters to you. Let her know that when you have her nothing else really matters, because it’s the both of you against the world. If you don’t compliment her, someone else would do that for you, that’s if you know what I mean.
You should always share your feelings and thoughts with your woman. Communication is key, it’s very important.  Without communication, your relationship is definitely on the verge of a collapse. Talk to yourselves,  share your problems, ideas and stuff. Crack jokes with her, tell her the silliest things, make her laugh. For instance, if the rice she cooked is too salty, you could say; “babe this rice is tasty, but a little less salt would do”, she definitely knows it’s salty, but making a remark about it is still part of communication, it doesn’t mean you are complaining.
You should never betray your woman,  never correct your wife in the presence of people,  especially your family members.  Don’t make her feel bad in the presence of people. If she does something wrong, scold her,  but not in the presence of people, that could be quite embarrassing,  just be a gentleman and sort yourselves out, preferably in the privacy of your bedroom.
Something that should be a habit is spending quality time together,  you should carve out time to relax,  chill, have fun. Go to the beach,  the movies,  and any other place  that tickles your fancy.
Finally, God should be placed first in your lives, you should pray together, go to church together.
I hope there is at least one thing you can pick from here to spice up your marriage or relationship as the case may be.
It doesn’t take a superman to be a gentleman.